Of Vampires & Jedi.

Speaking of how one's children can influence one's work, both in the positive and in the negative, here is a bit of Flash Fiction that I wrote earlier this year. I decided to post the piece to show that my children can also inspire the creative process just as well as they can interfere with it.

I suppose that it is no small coincidence that I post this just after the release of Twilight in the movie theaters.
This should not be construed as a slight to the followers and fans of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, rather it is just a bit of fun from my own family's experience with the books.

I give you: Jedi vs Vampires

“I think Jacob is going to die in the next book.”

Anne offered this non sequitur to the meandering conversation taking place in the car on the way back from church.

As ship's captain I was more intent on keeping the car between the lines while playing DJ on the CD player. I had not been following the three conversations very closely.

“Edward will probably marry Bella as well.” Anne followed up with another observation.

“Ohhhh Kay,” Just beginning to tune in I was still completely lost on just what the hell she was going on about.

“Dad, go back to Baba O’Reilly.”

“No.”

“Vampires can’t kill werewolves. It takes a silver bullet doesn’t it, Dad?” Grace sounded pretty certain.

I stopped the CD on ‘Save it For Later’ by The Jam. I wasn’t much in the mood for The Who, though I was pleased that Grace, my eight year old, did have some favorite Who songs. I just wasn’t in the mood for them now. Her vampire and werewolf comment did clue me in though.

Anne was talking about her current favorite, Stephenie Meyer’s vampire series, of which I enjoyed making great sport of. Not the books mind you,just Anne’s infatuation with them.

She thinks they are romantic. My point is that Edward is just like any other guy despite being a hundred year old vampire. He’s just after one thing… well two things really, blood as well as nookie. I think this cautionary note was lost on her though.

“Yeah, it takes silver, though I bet you could get one with a flamethrower.”

“Anne, Vampires can’t kill Werewolves.” Linc chimed in.

“Sure they can and I bet Edward is going to kill Jacob after the wedding. Then the big vampire family over in Italy is going to come over and kill Edward, after he marries Bella and bites her.”

“What is this? Like Italian Mafia vampires?”

“Kinda.”

My snort of derision was lost in The Jam’s tune.

“Daddy, go back to Baba O’Reilly.”

“No, Grace.”

“I bet you could kill a Werewolf with an X-Wing.” I was warming up to the conversation, now ready to push it to great heights of absurdity. That and any mention of Star Wars would get my son involved in the action.

“Or a Tie Fighter,” Linc offered with glee.

Much to my great disappointment, Linc has always been an Imperial Sympathizer. I’m not sure where his mother and I went wrong. His mother and I, like most of our generation just naturally supported the Rebel cause. Maybe not out of principal; mainly because I always though Princess Leia was babe-o-licious and of course my wife had Han Solo.

“Dad! See what you started” Besides you couldn’t kill a vampire with an x-wing.”

Despite the absurdity of all of the conversation, Anne couldn’t help but to defend her beloved vampire, Edward. She also had a hard time understanding that I was teasing.

“No, or course not. I’d use a lightsaber. Duh!”

“Dad!” Anne complained. “You couldn’t even touch him. Vampires have super strength and speed. Plus their skin is hard like diamond.”

“If I were running around with a lightsaber, Anne, I’d be a Jedi. That means force enhanced reflexes, speed and perception… the works. And what’s this about diamond hard skin? That doesn’t sound very appealing.”

“Anne,” Linc’s voice sounded as if he were about to lecture a 4 year old and not his older sister. “Lightsabers can cut through anything even diamond. They are pure energy.”

“Edward would just turn to mist and escape then,” Anne countered, refusing to allow her dear Edward to be defeated.

“Dad-deee, I really want to hear Baba O’reilly.” Grace was sounding pitiful.

“Gah! Ok Grace.”

“Dad, if a lightsaber passes through mist what happens? Mist is just water vapor right?” Linc asked.He was my scientist and had earned the nickname Bill Nye of the forth grade.

I nodded into the rear view mirror, seeing where he was heading with this. “Super heated steam buddy, it might not kill him, but he wouldn’t be a happy vampire.”

“Ok, you win,” Anne conceded as she turned and stared out the side window.

I caught Linc’s eye in my rear-view mirror. He was grinning like a monkey on a banana plantation. Grace was bobbing her head to the second stanza of Baba O’Reilly and I had actually won an argument with my only teenager....

“Now if I could just get Linc to repent of his support for The Empire, the Universe would again be in balance."